he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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