do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
