Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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