Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize