I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I lost the right to judge tonight
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
