If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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