If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
