Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
