If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
