Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's the barista slut.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
