I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
