Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
