This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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