Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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