How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
