I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
