R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
