just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
