I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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