doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
