dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Small penises have feelings too.
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I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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