She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
50% drunk capacity currently
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
