I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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