i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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