Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i have two assholes
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
