I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
