note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
