I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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