I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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