u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
