A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it because I queefed?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
