Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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