So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
