I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize