I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Too much gin, very little bucket
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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