My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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