is your mom at the bar?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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