dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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