I cannot find my penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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