I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
