I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
