Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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