i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
