On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
