my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
