Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found puke in my bra..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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