oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
