I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
