we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
