we have pet lesbian snakes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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