i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
