we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
