anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
