wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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