i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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