When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
