You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
