Got a toothbrush?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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