Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
one might say we're banned from that church
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
