capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
