Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
