My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
