Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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