So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
