the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
