I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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