I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
