Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
