Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
